Into the Wild

When I first saw the trailer it really caught my attention, because I feel the main character Christopher McCandless seems to be someone I wanted to be like; to abandon the civilized world, to be absolutely free from all the men-made things. At one time I did fantasized myself doing just that, only difference is that I didn't have the gust. In a way I'm like Christopher, always like to go to places I've never been to, whether the local bike trails, or a place far far away. I didn't know this movie is actually a real story..

Christopher grown up in a dysfunctional family. After graduation, he decided to abandon his family, his past, gave away all his money, changed his name, and became a hippie. He traveled with no money, or a vehicle. He pushed his luck, and finally decided to go to Alaska with only some camping gears, a beg of rice, a rifle, and without a map. He found an abandoned bus, and stayed there for 112 days, before he eventually died of starvation, at age 24. Some people romanticized Christopher's odyssey and looked up to him as hero. The abandoned bus became a tourist attraction. At the same time some people say he was simply running away from his personal problems, and eventually ran out of luck.

A few quote from the movie which really touched me..

The old man said to Christopher:
The bits and pieces I've put together, you know, what you've told me about your family. Your mother and dad. And I know you got your problems with the church too, but there's some kind of bigger thing that we can all appreciate. And it sounds like you don't mind calling it God. But when you forgive, you love. And when you love...God's light shines on you.

Christopher reading a quote from a book, when at the end he realized he should not pretend to be someone else anymore and decided to use his real name to write a goodbye note before he died.
She rediscovers the purpose of her life: to grasp the meaning of the earth’s wild enchantment, to call each thing by its right name, or to give birth, out of a love for life, to those who could.

At the end when he was dying and suffering all alone, Christopher wrote in the book he was reading:
happiness is only real when its shared

At the end, the movie says that he finally realized the importance of love, and God's light did shined on him at the end. But it was all too late. He was trapped in the wilderness, all alone, and eventually died without seeing his loved ones again.

Aftermath

The 13 days in Cambodia really felt like a whole month of traveling. So much was done, so much stuff I've seen, so little time to absorb.

When I arrived at HK, I remember when I see the real Burger King sign at the airport, it never felt so good seeing that sign. I felt I've finally came back to a place where I'm familiar with. However, that good feeling soon was replaced by the weary feelings from the over crowded city jammed with people, cars, and smog. Not only that, all the glamorous and gorgeous looking cars, buildings, clothes, people, and other materialistic things, have corrupted my spirit. I've been back to HK many times but somehow, this time was the most depressing. It was most depressing when every time I looked out to Victoria Harbor, there were heavy smog blocking the entire view on the other side.

Luckily, thanks to Wai Ho and Galex, I went to 2 fantastic worship places. In both places I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit. I had a wonderful worship time, and as well continued to meet some amazing people. In particular a worship place in Central, I still really miss it! It's a really small place, but the atmosphere was really warm. I was a total stranger alone there, but I didn't really feel like one. I don't know if everyone there realized what gift has God given to them, I really hope they would treasure it, so when the next time I go back it would still be there.

Even though I had a great time at the worship, not long after I went back out to the street, all the noises have taken over me again. In HK I realize it's really hard to be a good Christian. As well, once you're on the street, you'd never be able to stop and rest, because everything is constantly moving. There's no place for you to sit and catch your breath.

All these feelings have stayed with me long after I came back to Canada, with the long jet lag, and the busy Christmas holiday that followed. Not until about a week ago, did I start feeling fully recovered. After I came back, even though the Lord was still constantly showing me stuff, I felt I've lost something after my trip to HK, and that I have distanced with Him, comparing to my state right before my trip. The Lord picked me back up with the book: John Sung's (宋尚節) Diary. (Thanks so much Fiona!) Hopefully I can share more about that book later on! It's a really powerful testimony that Dr John Sung has.

Anyway, lesson learned, one really needs quiet time to be alone with the Lord to continue to have strength from Him.

Well, that's all for my trip to Cambodia. It really was a trip of a life time, and I Do want to go back. It's been almost a month of writing about it now, and I shall stop now. I hope I didn't waste people too much time to read, or maybe people already gave up reading :p Anyway thanks for all the prayers and support and the chance to share my story! Until next time, so long Cambodia.

Conclusion

The next day Saren was nice enough to come extra early to drive me to the airport for the early flight to go back to HK. At the airport, I had plenty of time to reflect on my last 13 days in Cambodia.

In all these time I have been so blessed by the Lord, seeing and doing so much things that many would never be able to see. As well, I felt the Lord has been with me all the time protecting me and showing me His way. I remember when I left Vancouver, I was having a bit of a cold. When I got off the plane, the cold was completely gone! On the plane, when a woman was coughing, I prayed to the Lord to heal her so that she won't spread the germs around, and then she never coughed again on the whole trip. When I left Vancouver, I've been having some stomach issues, but when I arrived at Cambodia, I didn't even have travelers diarrhea! It was completely the opposite when I went to Taiwan 1 year ago. And when I arrived, I hardly had any jet lag. When I came back, my jet lag didn't go away for more than a week! While traveling, I've had so much street food and even iced beverages, but I've never had any problem, until I ate in a fancy restaurant. When I took the malaria pills, I never had any side effects. In Kampot, when I went to the washroom outside in the morning, there were dozens of mosquitoes flying around in it, but I've never gotten any bite the whole 15 or so minutes there, for 2 mornings. All of them flew around and near me, but they never took any bite. I thought at the time that mosquitoes don't eat breakfast, but when I came back and searched on the Internet, I found out that they are most active during night and early morning! After that at another town, I had my legs all bitten even when I had DEET on and mosquitoes burner on. At all time I never had any problem with my belongings. At one time I even forgot my watch at the massage place, but the lady actually brought my watch back to me! There might have been so many other things that God protected me that I don't even realize! I believe this is the result of so many people prayed for me, and the Lord's way of showing me, I'm nothing but completely vulnerable without Him, but with Him, and in His will I could do everything!

At the airport, first I was quite tired because it was so early, but as I listened to 陳綺貞's 旅行的意義 and 陳昇's 航班116, the mood started to come in heavily. At the waiting area, I wrote this poem reflecting my thoughts on Cambodia, its people, and the missionaries helping there:

Your smile is so beautiful
Your eyes are so lovely
An innocent and kind look on your face
But your love is hindered
trapped in the reality
also known as poverty
My tears felt for you
My heart broken in search for an answer
In this mind boggling jigsaw puzzle,
I'm lost
I Became you

I want to remember your smile
I want to remember you eyes
I want to remember your every bit of kindness
I don't want to remember your sadness
I don't want to remember your hardships
I don't want to remember all the locked up doorways in your prison
So that I can have a light spirit
So that I can search for my own dreams
But I've became you now
I'm here to stay with you
As my soul wakes up
I'll smile with you, cry with you
Hopefully one day, our affections will move the doorways
Our love will touch the doors
Our smile will unlock the doors
So you can be released
So you can fly up so high

Siem Reap

The next morning, I took the bus to the final leg of my journey, Siem Reap. Everything went smoothly, as promised by the girl at the guest house. This time the bus was much better, and I had a nice journey. I even got to see the legendary deep fried black spider on the way! Strangely this is one of the things I really wanted to see in Cambodia. The bus arrived at Siem Reap 2 hours late, but my tuk-tuk driver waited me there faithfully. His name is Saren. The next 2 days I continued to hire him for my temple tour. He asked me to tell my friends about him so I'll put his email here: (phuthsaren@hotmail.com).

When I arrived it was night already. As Saren took me to the guest house, the street was still ordinary as in Cambodia. But as soon as we crossed the river, everything changed. It became like a European town. Everything was illuminated. For the first time I saw westerners walking on the street at night. For the first time I saw public telephone booth. For the first time I saw big water fountains in front of nicely renovated hotels. For a moment I thought I wasn't in Cambodia anymore. This is what most tourist coming to Cambodia will see, a nicely decorated front yard with all the glamorous westerners would look for. But most will never see what's inside the house, or even the backyard.

I arrived at Golden Temple Villa Guest House, the nicest one I've stayed in Cambodia. For $15 I had A/C, hot shower, nicely decorated room, free Internet, even free massage! The only thing is that it's located in a dark back street. With all the camouflages surrounded me, I relaxed myself. That night I went to the tourist street and ate at the Amok restaurant recommended by Lonely Planet and ordered the amok fish. It was the most good looking meal I've had in my trip, at the same time I didn't pray to eat, For the first time in my trip, my stomach gave up. Even though I was still able to go out for my tour the next couple of days, I've missed lots of chances to try different food.

Next morning I met Saren again, and he took me to my first day of the temple tour. First stop, Angkor Wat, one of world's seven wonders, the national symbol of Cambodia, and the biggest temple in the world. I was really excited, because this is the place where it all started; this is the place that made me wanted to come in the first place. When I finally got there, after all these travelings, it didn't disappoint me at all. The sheer size of it just overwhelmed me. It was early in the morning, shortly after sun rise, after most of the sun rise tourists have finished their tour. I was at the east main entrance. The sun was rising up just over the top of the temple far away, where the morning haze blurred its view a little bit. Moat surrounding the entire temple, with trees reflecting from the still water. It is like a huge castle. I tried different ways of taking pictures of it, but my limited photographic skills just can't get that feeling into it. Or really maybe it's something that one has to be there to experience it. The feeling started to settle down though as I walked around the temple, seeing all the tourists, people selling souvenirs, paid washrooms, and all the construction signs. As glorious as Angkor Wat is, it is not built for anyone but supposedly the resident for a god. After one wall then another, you'd finally come to a small tiny room which was not made for man, but the god itself. Most of the temples in Angkor have the exact layouts, only differ in sizes. Their gods' residents were nicer and bigger than any of the people's, but sadly they didn't protect them at all.

When planning my trip to Angkor, I was hoping that I could have some quiet and peaceful time alone in a temple ruins. However, turns out it was absolutely impossible because there are just too many tourists nowadays at Angkor, especially December is supposed to be their peak season. Finally I came to a less popular temple where it was more quiet. At Ta Keo I sat at the top of the temple for about 20 minutes. Even though I felt people were walking behind me and that I was blocking one of the better view, that was the best I could do to fulfill my plan. Walking between less crowded temples in the woods though did give me a sense of lone, solo, exploration feeling, which I did want to experience.

After walking climbing most of the day, temple after temple, I was ready for a break. I grabbed an iced coconut, hopped on Saren's tuktuk, and he offered to take me to the flooded forest. It was something I wanted to see, but thought I would never have the time. For $20, I had the whole boat and I went on to the river tour. 'Wet' was the name of the captain for my boat, kind of a worrisome name for a boat captain. Luckily I didn't get wet that day. It was interesting to see trees grew underwater. The river dry up in dry season, which gave the trees chance to grow. It would be more interesting if we have gone to the smaller streams, but the boat was too big.

After the first day at Angkor, it was fulfilling to see all the temples, but at the same time I was so tired from all the noises from people selling souvenirs. In every temple entrance there were people calling for you desperately, trying to get your attention to buy their stuff. They only know enough English to sell the stuff, so you'd always hear the same words. They called out in a way that seems like they want you to help them out by buying their souvenirs. At the end of the day, in my mind all I could hear was their voices, asking me to help them. At the same time I kept myself from buying anything from them 'cause I know for sure they would charge me more. I became paranoia. But as I later found out, in some street side sales further away from the temples, they actually sell stuff at the same price or cheaper than in the city. I regret later not buying from the them, in which I could have helped them out a bit.

Another scene that bothered me was at the river tour, I saw a Vietnamese kid, forced by his mom, to carry a snake and a picture to ask people to take picture with him for money. The kid was crying, and her mom looked very desperately, probably worried about her kid, but at the same time wanted to get people's sympathy so that they can get some money. It sadden me to look at them, but at the same time I knew not to give them money 'cause that would only encourage them to get money this way. That sadden me even more. Simultaneously her other 2 kids were playing nearby, dancing and shouting. They looked happy and innocent, they were saying something as they jumped around. As I listened more carefully, they were saying "One Dollar". My heart dropped. Their parent has taught them to beg. The only English their parent taught them was something to used for begging, and they were saying it not even knowing what it really means. Poverty is a very complicated issue, that can't be solved by simply giving money. It's a whole-person issue. I really hope that one day people like them can regain their dignity and not have to beg again.

At night Saren offered to give me a free ride to take me to a buffet/Apsara dance restaurant, by doing that he could also get a free dinner. I thought to myself, why not, so I took the offer. Turns out it was a mistake. I went in without asking how much, and of course, and I've made the same mistake again. My eyes dropped when I saw the bill. The whole meal 'caused me $17 and I had only 2 dishes because my stomach wasn't fully recovered. Plus the Apsara dance wasn't particularly good. Anyway, at least I get to see where all the big tours would go to. The food tastes just like any Oriental buffet.

Next day I continued on my temple tour with Saren. Because of a good night sleep, I was more energized and the day was more enjoyable. Saren even told me a little bit about his life. 2nd day we went to temples further from the main area, and we came to an area, where I see lots of signs with different country flags, stating so and so from which country donated this house, or helped built this well. When passing by, in more than a few occasions, little kids would wave at foreigners like me traveling in a tuktuk. At first I felt quite awkward, but after a few more, I just went with it and waved back. I guess that town really has received lots of genuine help from outside that they wanted to show their gratitude by expressing their welcome to foreigners.

As the tour came to an end, so did my Cambodian adventure. Our tuktuk slowly drove back to the guest house. As we drove by some of the temples again, I felt that I would really miss this country, and I really wondered if I could ever have the chance to come back again. Even though in the last few days I was so tired from all the hikes, and from my diarrhea, plus all the travelings made me feel I've been away for so long, that I felt it was time to go back, suddenly I felt I didn't want to. I felt I could spend another week just to wander around and keep on discovering. I know I'll miss all the faces, all the cheap food and beer, all the magnificent sceneries, and all the wonderful people I've met that some of them I know I'll never be able to see them again.

Sihanoukville

So on the next morning, Panneth came to my hotel early morning, and found a shared taxi for me to go to PP, and the plan was then take a bus from PP to Sihanoukville (where all the beaches are). It was my first and last experience of Cambodian shared taxi. I never knew how one could call a taxi. There are no signs on the taxi, and no phone number to call. I think he just drove around and asked the locals... Taxi usually implies a more comfortable option, but not in Cambodia. Standard seating in a shared taxi is 2 passengers at the front seat, (not including driver) and 4 at the back, not including babies. In my case, there were 2 babies plus 7 adults including me and drivers, cramped in a 4 doors Camery for 4 hours, in which half of it were bumpy dirt roads! I have 2 conclusions: 1) Nothing is impossible. 2) Camry is an extremely reliable car!

The trip from Pailin to PP cost me $12 US and lots of time. The taxi stopped for breakfast, lunch, 2 pee-stops, 1 gas, and 1 complete car wash before going into the city, I'm talking about washing the car inside out, and under, took almost an hour! It's probably because washing it there cost less than in the city. That made me missed my bus to Shianoukville in PP! The only way left was taking a taxi again. The driver was nice enough to ask around for me. The other taxi drivers weren't so nice though when quoting price. Because it was late in the day, and I'm a foreigner, they upped the price dramatically. First one quoted $60US! second one quoted $20US and I had to take 2 seats! Out of desperation, I took the 2nd offer.

Panneth originally came from Sihanoukville. He told me that hotels are very easy to find, prices are all listed in the central bus station. I guess he hasn't went back home for a while. When I get there, I was tired, it was dark, and I couldn't find any signs at all, all I could see was dozens of moto drivers asking you where you're going. I then tried to leave the scene, but one guy kept following. After a while, I realize I had to take a moto because it doesn't look like any hotels are near by. After a competition came in, I was able to get $1 US until I could find a hotel room. Lucky I took that offer because all the guest houses were full! We drove around for more than half an hour, until we got to this very old looking basic hut which called Lovely Guesthouse. There was 1 room left, in the far end corner. Inside was everything but 'lovely', the walls and ceiling are pealing off which seems to be from heavy leaking during the rain season. The room cost $4, cold shower, no AC, no mosquito net. Again, out of desperation I took it, and also because I prayed about it when on the moto. I think the name 'lovely' though is used to describe the people working there. It looks like a family run business. They all seems very caring, and not because they wanted extra money, especially when they saw my legs full of mosquito bites. The mom taught me to use blankets to cover the windows to prevent mosquitoes, the older daughter (the only one knew English) cooked me dinner, and later arranged the bus for me to Siem Reap for $7, and even called the guest house at Siem Reap for me. At the Lovely Guest House, I just didn't wanna go anywhere else...

But of course I had to go out. The next morning, I've booked for a scuba diving trip. The very same moto driver was there waiting for me! I thought it was a nice karma, and he looked nice enough, so I hopped on without asking how much. Big Mistake! I made a mistake in the location so we made a longer trip, at the end he charged me $4! Later I realize, he probably wanted to get back the money he wasted on fuel driving me around searching for a room last night! Lesson learned. Always always ask how much first!

At the diving center, no more scams, however the water wasn't exactly nice. The water looked nice enough from above, but when you get down there, the visibility was only like 3 - 4 feet. I felt I had a better experience in HK! Luckily, there were only 1 other client that day, and since I haven't dived for a while, since when I first got my PADI 5 years ago in HK, I needed the extra care to relearn almost everything! I didn't realize this until I was putting on my gear and ready to go down. I know, I'm always like that! :P Luckily my guide from Germany and the other client Ruth from Switzerland was very nice and didn't show any faces. Ruth even taught me few tricks afterward because I looked like I was struggling :p I did miss some of the dive because in the first round I did something wrong with my BCD, I lost control of my buoyancy and floated back up. Lucky we weren't too deep! And since the visibility was so bad, I don't think I missed much. Anyway, it was nice for me still, at least it was a good chance to practice diving again, as I don't have much chance to dive, and it's too expensive back home.

After diving, I took quite a hike through the rocks went to one beach to another, and finally went to a more quiet one, called Independence Beach, and sat down and enjoyed the sunset. I think it's the first time I ever sat in a pure white sand beach looking out at the endless ocean, with a direct sunset view! It was very nice! Few things I've noticed though, the sand in the nicer part of the beach seems to be imported in as it changes color in different area. Also there were security guards, and seems that locals were kept off the nicer parts. I sat in a lounger, which looks like belonging to the hotel behind, but since nobody came ask me to leave, I stayed there until the sun went down. Almost completely down, as I still have to get back before dark, before the burglars come out...

Pailin - volunteering work

Pailin is the place where I did volunteering work for Alliance Global Serve. I guess I'm kind of a special case for them, because I think usually people go in a team, and people usually have some kind of subsidies from church. I had neither. I was able to get free lunch and dinner at Panneth's place because of that :)

I have to say that for me, it seems the trip to Pailin wasn't finalized until the very very end. I mean the very end, because all along I wasn't able to contact Ka Lun, and couldn't confirm that AGS has made all the arrangements for me, even when I arrived Cambodia. I was only able to contact some local personnel nearby, who English wasn't very good. Thanks the Lord, everything was fine at the end!

At the beginning, I thought I was going to just hook up some computers, and then I can g do my own things there, but because of some parts failure, and my own inefficiency due to the fact that I haven't fixed a computer for some time, it took me 2 days to hook up everything! At one point I was worried that I would only be able to finish 1 or 2 computers, and I wouldn't know what to report back to AGS. Thank God, everything was finished as planned at the end.

At first, Ka Lun has planed quite a bit of activities for me, but due to various factors, most of them didn't happened. However, at the end I did met her English class. Even though they couldn't speak good English, I was able to communicate most of the time, but of course couldn't go very deep. Some of them even helped me out to fix the computers. I feel many of them are smart, and want to learn more. However they lack the resources and opportunities. In the very last night, we gathered at the church to have a little gathering. Nothing was planned, we just chatted, and at the end they showed me a Cambodian game. Now when I think back, I wish I have done more that night, and more initiations.

I originally planned for 3 days in Pailin. However because of lack of activities there, when chatting with Ka Lun about my original plan to go to the beach, she suggested me to leave one day early to go there. After some thoughts, I decided to take her advice. I'm still not sure if I've made the right decision, because it seems that I've done so little in Pailin and I don't know if the Lord would have shown me more if I have stayed for 1 more day.

I do have to admit that at the end I was worried about my health if I stayed longer. My guest house room was full of little mosquitoes, I already had bites everywhere on my legs and I was quite worried about malaria. But then I could have just easily switched to another hotel...

Pailin

After Kampot, I took the bus first to Battambang, then to the small town Pailin. There I met Ka Lun, the missionary from HK, and Panneth, the local pastor there.

Ka Lun is a typical HK girl, just finished her hotel management degree. She has been in Pailin for short term mission a couple times before, but this time she's staying here for 1 year. Her living condition is same as Panneth. There's no running water. Water is collected into a huge jar during rain season, then using a bucket to pour out water for different uses, like washing dishes, flushing the toilet, or taking a bath. There's no air conditioning or hot shower. Those are OK when nothing happens. But when you're sick, those things could become very valuable. There lots of diseases, and medical care is not good. I thought I was tough going to Cambodia on my own, but living in Pailin for a year, or even stay here for life, is just unthinkable for me! On the other hand, Ka Lun is considering staying here as a missionary for an even longer term! It is incredible how the Holy Spirit can stir up a person to give up so much in HK to come to a place like this to serve Him! I'm completely humbled by her example.

Panneth, whom Ka Lun is working with, is a very quiet man. When you talk to him, his response is always very short, and often lack elaborations. When I talked to him the first time on the phone, I thought he didn't want to talk to me. Later I found out he was a former Khmer Rough soldier, that explained a lots of things. Later when I had more chance to talk to him, I found that he's just as friendly as any other people there. I didn't ask him about the war, or how he became a pastor, because I didn't have time to build up the relationship and I didn't want to be too intruding, but I'm sure he has gone through a lot of things!